Losing and finding

 When you realize you stopped doing something that you love, you know you have lost yourself. This blog was something I started just because I could. There was no plan or mission statement. I came back to this place because it was comfortable, joyful and companionship all rolled into one.  Then some shitty change happened in me. I started doing everything that I hated. Comparing myself to others, trying to change myself into someone else, looking at other people with envy rather than inspiration. I stopped thinking about what I was becoming, because that in turn became even more disappointing and depressing. It would be easier to blame other people and say they triggered this or made me become this person. Not true. One thing that didn’t change was the ability to own up to whatever happened to me – good, great or horrible – to my own actions.  I guess the real reason for writing this right now is that I am ready to go back to being myself. Going back to plotting the map to find the treasure island of my slightly unreal dreams. Going back to respecting people who stuck around with unconditional love. And going back to smiling.
Wouldn’t know if this relates or helps in anyway. But I hope if you ever lose yourself, you are able to quickly bounce back and retain what makes you, you.

It’s not impossible. For starters lighten up. My father taught me a trick that works – whistle: When feeling super sad, just start whistling any song or hymn. Ability to whistle is directly related to ‘my world is over’ not yet. Works?